HIT 'EM WHERE THEY AINT

March 5, 2008

by the Biz'

Arguably the most significant rivalry in all of professional sports, the Red Sox and Yankee's are no strangers to using all one-hundred and sixty-two games of the season to fill up their October dance card. Statistically, I don't think the Al East is the best division in baseball, but these two power-house teams battling it out all summer helps keep the season interesting for baseball fans. Granted you could be one of those purists that feels the National League is the only thing sacred remaining, but you guys really need to turn down, better yet- throw out, the Lilith Fair greatest hits compilation you've been "jamming" to and realize that it's 2008. Face it, the MLB is all steroids and ball-bearings these days so unbutton that purist corduroy blazer and hang it on the hook by the door before you enter this column next time.

As I write this preview I will do my very best to set my biased opinion next to your corduroy blazer and no matter how painful, admit that the Red Sox will win the AL East this year. Barring, of course, any plane crashes that might take place somewhere over Donner Pass. I just feel that the maturity of the Sox rotation is too great to over-look. Rice-K came with a huge price tag when the Sox signed him and having a full year in the Bigs under his belt will allow him to show his worth to the Red Sox organization and to fantasy owners alike. I think the best move in all of baseball was the resigning of third baseman Mike Lowell, with him and Youkilis at the corners the Red Sox have proven to me their commitment to fielding a great defensive team to back-up their often potent offensive line-up.

The New York Yankee's have brought in some live, young arms to fill in the gaps of their rotation and this might be the closest any of us have ever come to seeing a "rebuilding year" for the Bronx Bombers. With an offensive line-up that touts A-Rod, Cano, Milkey, and Abreu, I would have to say its really not a risky move to draft Hughes or Chamberlain and hope they live up to their expectations. I would like to see what Igawa does in spring training, but I have a lot of hopes for this young lefty as a fantasy owner and feel he might be worth a try when other teams are drafting their fifth and sixth outfielders. Girardi will be relying heavily on Jeter to fulfill his captain role and help these young guns mature as quickly as possible. With that being said: it’s a good year to take a chance on an up and coming shortstop from another team because I think Jeter's offensive stats may struggle a little bit with added responsibility.

If I were a suit and tie for the Baltimore Orioles I would not plan on attending a theatrical production of "Our American Cousin" any time soon. The natives are getting restless and they have every reason to plan and plot an assassination attempt on many of the lives in the front office. Unfortunately you have to spend big money to compete for the pennant in the Al East but it looks like the Orioles' corporate meat-gazers have given up all hope on ever making it to the post season again. Don't get me wrong, the O's will have a great fifty to sixty game run at the first half of the season, just like they always do, so draft a few of the big name players and ride them until just before the all-star break; then promptly dangle them as trade bait. Nick Markakis and Adam Jones give this picture its silver lining but it's still not gonna be pretty for the Birds. Sorry O's fans, but at least you get to play the Devil Rays a bunch of times this year.

Fun fact: More people actually get down with a guy named Hitler than the Toronto Blue Jays. For real, this guy had but one testicle, created the term genocide, introduced that ridiculous mustache into the fashion world of tyrants and then pussed out and offed himself when things got a little too tough. Canadians...would it kill you to show a little support to America's past-time? I mean hockey? That's really how you wanna spend your time as a sports fan? Hockey players don't even wear jersey's, they wear sweaters. Come on, when Neil Patrick Harris thinks something is "gay" you should really ask yourself if you are spending your time wisely. I am pretty sure that you can get some french fries with mayo at the Rodgers Center(re) and you just may get lucky and hear Bryan Adams singing your National Anthem (we'll talk more about that later) before the first pitch. I'm making a stand to spite Hitler and I am only drafting Blue Jays this year. I can see it on the plaque now; 2008 winner "Biz's Blue Jays." And after I win, I'm takin’ the Big Hurt, Vernon Wells and Roy Halladay into the Montreal Sex District for celebratory blow jobs and I’m gonna taunt the unarmed mounties by singing a real National Anthem in the accent I stole from Deputy Honey. If any of you guys wanna get on the band wagon before it leaves you better act now while there are still some good seats available. This is us against Hitler, who is coming with me?

Tampa, what can I say about Tampa...Oh yeah, Tampa has a shit-ton of blue-hairs down there that just love the New York Yankees. Attendance is always horrible at Tropicana Field because some rich douche bag decides to plant a Major League organization in a city populated by people who eat dinner at 3:30 in the afternoon and can't make it past Wheel of Fortune without "resting their eyes." So what can fans expect from the Devil Rays in the win column when the people signing the checks make such shitty location decisions. Rays fans were damned from the start. That being said, the Devil Rays do have a knack for beating the pinstripes off the yankees when they come to town. If I wasn't drafting all Blue Jays this year I would aquire any pitcher the Rays throw against the Yanks and take my eleven or twelve wins by third, fourth and fifth starters right to the top of the leader board. Delmon Young for Matt Garza? Okay, they need the pitching but couldn’t they have sold off Rocco or that guy that beats his girlfriend twice a week?

Any questions or comments you would like to send me can be sent to: The Biz c/o Tampa Bay Dog Racing Track. 8300 North Nebraska Blvd, Tampa Fl 33626. or phone me @ (813) 932-4313 ext 0673.

It’s gonna be hot in hell and I don’t look good with my shirt off.

~the Biz

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